Q - Whats the best way to tune a banjo A - Wire clippers
Q - What's the least used phrase in the English language?
A - That's the banjo player's Porsche.
Q - What's the best sound you can make with a banjo?
A - A splash.
Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
A - One matures.
Q - What is the definition of a minor second?
A - Two soprano saxophones playing in unison.
Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
A - Put sheet music in front of him.
Q - How do you make him stop?
A - Put notes on it.
Q - What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A - Depends on how far you throw it.
(Anyone who's ever picked up a Les Paul will at once appreciate the surreal
quality of a joke about "throwing" one.)
Q - How do you get a drummer off of your front porch?
A - Pay for the pizza.
Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his keys
in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out.
Q - What's the difference between Oasis and a bucket of steaming manure?
A - The bucket.
After many years of being the butt of those drummer jokes, Dave decides to learn
the guitar instead. He practices & practices, day after day, night after night,
week after week. After 3 years he sounds really good, and could hold his own
with almost any of the world's best rock guitarists. So he decides he needs
a really good rig, and after saving up for ages goes in search of a sunburst
Les Paul, a Mesa Boogie amp & an Ibanez Tube Screamer.
Shop keeper: "Can I help you, sir?"
Dave: "Yeah, I'm looking for a sunburst Les Paul, a Mesa Boogie amp & an Ibanez
Tube Screamer."
Shop keeper: "Hang on a minute - you're a drummer, aren't you?"
Dave: "Er... how did you know?"
Shop keeper: "'Coz this is a greengrocers."
An anthropologist visits a remote island. As the boat nears the island, he notices
the constant sound of drumming, a never ending stream of paradiddles and flams.
As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming
will go on. The native shuffles nervously and says "when drumming stop, is very
very bad"
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on
his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native
looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad
when drumming stop," he says, then scurries off.
On his third day without rest the social scientist is at his wits end, he grabs
the nearest native, grabs his shoulders and shouts "What happens when the drumming
stops?!!"
"Bass solo"
Q: How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
A: Drool comes out both sides of the drummer's mouth.
Q: What are a drummer's last words in his band?
A: Hey guys, let's try one of my songs.
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
Q: What's the difference between a chiropodist and a drummer?
A: A chiropodist bucks up your feet.
Q: What do you call a beautifull woman on the arm of a banjo player?
A: A tattoo.
qQ what is the definition of perfect pitch
A Throwing a banjo into a skip without hitting the sides
did you hear about the banjo player who left his banjo in the van and forgot
to lock it when he went back there was 2 there
